A Conversation With My Publicist, Me.



Publicist:
You need to post online. It's been four days.
Me: Do I have to? I don't really have anything to post about.
P: Yes. It's been four days. People might forget about you. Or worse, they might think you're just boring.
M: Well, I mean it is a Tuesday.
P: Shhh! If you haven't been cool recently just do your makeup, take a selfie and caption it something vague like "relativity in motion..."
M: I'm definitely not going to do that.
P: Yeah that's really more Snapchat material, anyway. Ok, well what about like an inspirational quote or something? I heard it's National Donut Day. You could always post about that.
M: That's a thing?  
P: Of course. Look, you need to post something. Something candid that makes you seem approachable, edgy, successful and tranquil.
M: I don't have anything like that. I could repost that picture so and so posted of that show we went to the other night.
P: Reposts three days later aren't ideal, but I guess that'll work. You need more hobbies. People need to know you like stuff besides music.
M: Why?
P: You need to be more relatable. More well-rounded. You should try a juice cleanse and document yourself doing it!
M: Ugh, that sounds miserable. Have you seen how expensive cashew milk is these days? I think I'm just going to go with this picture of the show.  
P: WAIT! Use Juno!
M: But I like Nashville filter on this one.
P: Well you used Juno on your last two and your Instagram needs to be cohesive so that it accurately communicates your brand.
M: What if my brand is just someone who is average at Instagram?
P: Lacy, don't be snarky. Actually maybe that's it. Maybe you're more of a Twitter girl. Try tweeting something that's hilarious, but also wholly inoffensive.
M: Ok what about that time I was running late and forgot to put on eyeliner so I improvised using a fine point sharpie? That was pretty funny.
P: Being a mess isn't funny.
M: Oh.
P: Just post a meme and caption it "When you see bae..." 
M: I don't think I know how to make memes.
P: Ask your Dad, then.

*Friend, Sarah, walks up*
M: Hey Sarah! How are you?
S: I'm great, how are you?
M: Oh, you know girl! Just trying to kick butt and figure out what micro-blading is!
S: Good for you! See you later!
*Sarah walks away*

P: Don't tell her that!
M: Wait, why?
P: She doesn't need to know that you don't know what micro-blading is. Be cool.
M: Why do I care if she knows that? It's the truth!
P: You tell too much of the truth sometimes.

4 comments

  • Curtis

    Curtis Catawba nuclear station.

    We use sharpies here too.

    We use sharpies here too.

  • TT

    TT

    😂😂😂😂

    😂😂😂😂

  • Elizabeth

    Elizabeth Alabama

    LOL, You're awesome. Whatever you're doing just as you are is perfect. Keep it up.

    LOL, You're awesome. Whatever you're doing just as you are is perfect. Keep it up.

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