Publicist: You need to post online. It's been four days.
Me: Do I have to? I don't really have anything to post about.
P: Yes. It's been four days. People might forget about you. Or worse, they might think you're just boring.
M: Well, I mean it is a Tuesday.
P: Shhh! If you haven't been cool recently just do your makeup, take a selfie and caption it something vague like "relativity in motion..."
M: I'm definitely not going to do that.
P: Yeah that's really more Snapchat material, anyway. Ok, well what about like an inspirational quote or something? I heard it's National Donut Day. You could always post about that.
M: That's a thing?
P: Of course. Look, you need to post something. Something candid that makes you seem approachable, edgy, successful and tranquil.
M: I don't have anything like that. I could repost that picture so and so posted of that show we went to the other night.
P: Reposts three days later aren't ideal, but I guess that'll work. You need more hobbies. People need to know you like stuff besides music.
P: You need to be more relatable. More well-rounded. You should try a juice cleanse and document yourself doing it!
M: Ugh, that sounds miserable. Have you seen how expensive cashew milk is these days? I think I'm just going to go with this picture of the show.
P: WAIT! Use Juno!
M: But I like Nashville filter on this one.
P: Well you used Juno on your last two and your Instagram needs to be cohesive so that it accurately communicates your brand.
M: What if my brand is just someone who is average at Instagram?
P: Lacy, don't be snarky. Actually maybe that's it. Maybe you're more of a Twitter girl. Try tweeting something that's hilarious, but also wholly inoffensive.
M: Ok what about that time I was running late and forgot to put on eyeliner so I improvised using a fine point sharpie? That was pretty funny.
P: Being a mess isn't funny.
P: Just post a meme and caption it "When you see bae..."
M: I don't think I know how to make memes.
P: Ask your Dad, then.
*Friend, Sarah, walks up*
M: Hey Sarah! How are you?
S: I'm great, how are you?
M: Oh, you know girl! Just trying to kick butt and figure out what micro-blading is!
S: Good for you! See you later!
*Sarah walks away*
P: Don't tell her that!
M: Wait, why?
P: She doesn't need to know that you don't know what micro-blading is. Be cool.
M: Why do I care if she knows that? It's the truth!
P: You tell too much of the truth sometimes.